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Letting Go

"It's OK, I'll do it, Dad!"

These were the words of my 16-year-old son Tim as I dropped him off at school one morning. Timmy has many challenges to deal with in his life, one of which is a mild to moderate developmental disability. He's a great kid and seems to be somewhat of a star (everybody likes him) at his school.

I had a note for him to take to the teacher about a scheduling change needed for later in the week. We thought of packing the note in his lunchbox with his sandwich so when he ate lunch, he and the teacher would be sure to see it. We ended up putting it in his backpack, so he could give it to the teacher on his arrival. I thought a gentle, fatherly reminder would be just the thing; it would make me feel better anyway.

But being confronted with his rather blunt "It's OK…Dad!" was a bit of a surprise. On further reflection, I realize that this response of his, this taking control, I'll-get-it-done! mindset, is exactly what should be happening in his life, and perhaps more importantly, is what we—as parents, teachers, guardians, caregivers—want to see happen in the lives of those we are seeking to influence.

When children begin to show their stuff—make their own decisions—we parental types tend to get a little nervous. But you know what? It's our problem, not theirs—it's exactly what we want them to do!

This also carries over into the arena of faith, and is equally important there. We teach our kids about Jesus, and take them to Sunday School and Church. We try to instill in them church behaviors such as bowed heads, folded hands, and not going leaving to use the bathroom during the sermon.

We also try to follow, and encourage the children to follow, Paul's family faith exhortations in Ephesians.

Ephesians 6:1-2, 4
"Children, as Christians, obey your parents. This is the right thing to do. Respect your father and mother… Fathers do not be too hard on your children so they will become angry. Teach them in their growing years with Christian teaching."

And then there is the famous child-raising promise of Proverbs 22:6.

Proverbs 22:6
"Bring up a child by teaching him the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn away from it."

There is still the need for encouragement. "I don't want to go to church today!" needs an answer of enthusiasm and encouragement. "Pay attention!", "Try to be quieter!", "When the pastor's done talking, I'll take you to the restroom!"—it seems we say these reminders every week and we wonder if they ever get it. Is faith there? Do they know the joy, and even the thrill that worship can bring?

But then comes the time when you see your child holding his bulletin like a songbook, and singing some of the songs we sang Sunday. Or there comes the moment when you as parents are talking about one of your own parents' failing health issues and the child says, "Let's pray for Grandpa!"

When these times occur we know that God is working, faith is present, and growth is happening. We can trust that God's spirit can, does, and will do His work, even in persons with developmental disabilities and even in your own kid!

As a pastor, and as a parent, I can trust in God's promise that when the word of God is taught and proclaimed, the Holy Spirit of God works faith in the heart.

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths."

Lord, we need Your help to trust that as we have brought up our children in Your ways, You will continue to lead them on that path. In Jesus' Name, Amen!